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Ramones Rocket to Russia Rhino/Warner Strategic Marketing JOLLY: Joey and Johnny were the mightiest duo on EARTH. They solved--SOLVED, y'hear?--the age old Hitlerite/Jewboy controversy! Dig: someone (Joey) so obviously Jewish standing next to someone (Johnny) who was like (LIKE) the super (coolest) Nazi ever--Israel and Germany (and America) oughta pay attention! And not just "Can't we just be friends" either. They seemed onstage like they each lived in very different, equally hostile universes. But when they were up there on stage (and on record of course) they were definitely a GROUP: 1, 2, 3, 4 as DEE DEE (!) would shout! Put it like this: most groups are like some vague, good-in-theory, neo-conceptualist, mock-spiritual, pseudo-communist, long-haired, halting and sputtering Jalopy. WHEREAS the Ramones made up a single unit of white hot roadability like the super smokin'est Dragster ever built. Like the Munstermobile. Most rock bands if they were cars would be pulled over and stopped by the first RnR traffic cop that spotted 'em--weaving and wandering all over the road--broken tail lights--Cheech and Chong hanging out the window--peace and love signs scrawled all over the minivan: "Yes officer?" "I don't even want to see your 'license.' I just stopped you to tell you that you suck!" When this record came out my jaw dropped. The first record was the best record ever. The second was better than THAT and different from the first one and then this took 'em into Beatles cartoon territory. I was like "Whaaa? No way!" Nobody--no band--can be that good--it's IMPOSSIBLE but--hey--there it is! Talk about your Jesus miracles! Speaking of Jesus, if there's a GOD in Heaven then Joey definitely made it to wherever that is. Him and Johnny Thunders. No more, please. JESSICA: What can you say about pure punk rock perfection? Ramones was the first album I ever owned. My orthodontist gave it to me when I got my braces off and looking back on it now it was well worth the three years of braces. On each of these CDs are bonus tracks there are bonus tracks that are normally hard to get or only available on bootlegs. SEAN: These may be the best songs not written by Buddy Holly, the best album not produced by Brian Wilson... I can't even review this, I'm too busy listening. And the demos/early version bonus tracks show that, while there's nothing wrong with them, anyone who claims the Ramones didn't evolve or develop their sound doesn't know what they're talking about. JARI: There's a general line one step softer than on two first albums. Negative sides are still up on lyrics, from normal living of the guys. Only differences between "It's a Long Way Back to Germany" and Road to Ruin's "It's a Long Way Back" are that Tommy plays on single version and Marky on album version + tempo slower on single. Even nowadays many fans don't have heard "S.L.U.G.," so great song, what would have been TOP-10 single release. Favorite Ramones album for many people. HOLMSTROM: I forgot how good some of the less-often-mentioned songs are: "Ramona," "I Can't Give You Anything," "Locket Love," "Why Is It Always This Way." Well, I could write tons about this, but mostly I am curious to see if my drawings end up on this. Legs wrote the liner notes but didn't mention them 'cause he's not sure if they'll appear. I remember when Danny Fields took the cover photo for Rocket to Russia. He invited me along in hopes that they could recapture the magic from their first record cover. He shot it in the back alley behind CBGBs, and there was a lot of garbage (as usual) back there. It was all over pretty quick--these guys never enjoyed doing photo sessions very much. Return to top | next

Ramones Leave Home Rhino/Warner Strategic Marketing JOLLY: This is my fave Ramones record of all! When it came out I couldn'tfuckinbelieveit--and I still can't! It was like not just a gang anymore but a super Manson-esque total psycho outfit. I was like "Yes!!" And the music sounded so weird and different from the first record that the first few listens I couldn't even hear it as music--I couldn't discern the tunes or anything. Anyway this has got that beautiful, wide open, on your way to the beach on the subway sound--man! By the way, on the strength of just their first four records The Ramones are better than the Beatlestones--who should really collectively have been called "ACTRESS." (Killer Kane's first band before the Dolls)--first off 'cos the Ramones came from REALSVILLE, USA and the Beatlestones come from Fakeville, U.K. (Pistols too.) So they mentally outrank any English band. And secondly the Ramones have better melodies than the one and they're approximately sixty to seventy times tougher than the other is. They shoulda had 80 songs in the top 10 at once; instead, they had zero songs in the top nothing. That's because when those four records came out the Devil was already running everything pop music-wise--AM, FM and the charts were sicker than sacrificing yer girl on an altar ever will be. Music in the mid- to late-seventies was like the Manson slayings with a smiley button stuck on each bloody, twitching corpse. Rock n' roll was deader than Elvis, Kennedy and 54,000 G.I.s combined. The Ramones were like human jumper cables attached to rock n' roll's decomposing, smelly cadaver--zzzt! (First Ramones album) Zzzt! (Second album)--and like the GOOD DOCTOR sez (and the Ramones live album attests to this) "It's Aliiive! It's Aliiiiive!!" JESSICA: Again The Ramones. Awesome record plus "Carbona Not Glue" is back on. Also, songs #16-32 are bonus tracks recorded live from The Roxy. Wow, they just don't make albums that don't have one bad song on 'em anymore. This is punk rock at its best. SEAN: And the Ramones never had their own Saturday morning cartoon series? What the hell?? Talk about your crimes against American popular culture. What? The album? It's great. Tony Bongiovi's production is a little "slick," but not enough to wreck their sound, like those screwups who produced the Clash's and the Damned's second albums. I guess that's Tommy's co-producer influence. Live at the Roxy--if there's such a thing as stripped-down Ramones, this is it. Turn it up as loud as you can and give your neighbors a treat. JARI: It's hard to imagine spirit of the Leave Home recordings after first, what changed the world. There's some differences. On Leave Home used more effects than on debut. Effects fit well to songs like "Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment," which was always real killer live. "I Remember You" is really hard to listen after Joey passed away but.... From album was released different A-sides in different countries: "Swallow My Pride" (USA), "I Remember You" (UK) and "Glad To See You Go" (Italy), but many others would have chosen like "Pinhead" or "You're Gonna Kill That Girl." Sadly the Roxy songs were mixed some strange way, can't hear the noise what came out on early concerts and which can hear on bootleg releases of the same concerts. HOLMSTROM: The endless debate: Which is the best Ramones LP? (I checked the survey on Jari's Website after I wrote this and most people agree with me that it's their first! With Rocket to Russia a close second.) Well, I personally think this one is their second best, 'cause it's their second record. The first "Listening Party" I was ever invited to was at Danny Fields's apartment. He was their manager at the time, and I was always impressed with him since Danny had been Iggy's manager, and introduced Nico to Jim Morrison, and helped get the MC5 signed, etc. He had this huge photo of Iggy with no clothes on at all up on his wall. He wanted Legs and I to listen to Leave Home before it was released because at the time they were worried that maybe they cleaned up the sound too much and made it too commercial, and they'd be alienating their original fan base. So Danny gave us a couple of beers and put it on. LOUD. (Danny had a great stereo system.) We were totally blown away and thought it was the greatest record of all time, of course. The "problem" with the Ramones ever becoming commercially successful was sort of made clear afterwards. Danny asked us which song should be the single. Legs and I both said, "Definitely the one about 'Carbona!'" Danny said, "'Carbona Not Glue.' I was afraid you'd say that. Everyone likes that song best but we can't release that one as a single!" We asked, "Why not?" Once we learned the words, that became sort of obvious. It also seemed typical that the kind of thing that made the Ramones great also got in the way of their trying to be commercial. But that's what made them great!!! But that was also the problem with New York punk back then, everyone was hiding from controversy. No guts, no glory. Maybe releasing "Carbona" would have been the best thing--it would have caused a furor, there'd have been a lawsuit, and the Ramones would have gotten enough publicity to make the next single a hit. But no, they wanted mainstream success. Which never came along. And that, my friends, explains better than anything else I could ever say about how and why the 1970s sucked shit. Return to top | previous | next

Ramones Road to Ruin Rhino/Warner Strategic Marketing JOLLY: When this record came out a lotta people, me included, said. "Hmm, wow, are the Ramones depressed?" Whatever that means. Then you think: "Fuckin' three of the best records ever and not one hit, not one Saturday Night Live appearance, not one Dick Clark Bandstand Show, when they shoulda been the new Elvis Beatles Rolling Stones, trekkin' thru the wilderness of this godforsaken globe playing small clubs that smell like beer/piss/smoke and garbage, they must've thought 'This is the thanks we get?'" Wouldn't YOU be fuckin' depressed?! Speaking of piss and garbage, at the Hammerstein the other night they nearly swept us Ramones fans up with the rubbish. Plus visible time code on the featured videos. Jesus Christ! Where is the respect? Anyways this record is still ONLY hits, ONLY classics--how many bands can say that? Especially when there's like 20 songs on each LP! This record also has "It's a Long Way Back to Germany," a song they should play at Giuliani's funeral. GOD SAVE THE RAMONES--ALLA THEM! Joey--"I Want You Around," always. Dammit. DAMMIT! "Come back (she cried)"...! JESSICA: I was out getting cigarettes and beer for a good 20 minutes but I digress. Road To Ruin has a lot of nice semi-mellow type songs like "Don't Come Close" but the cool thing is that two demo tracks are part of the bonus tracks like "Yeah, Yeah" and "Come Back She Cried". All of the releases are really great from start to finish and if you're in your right mind you won't be disappointed. The Ramones taught a lot of different things to a lot of different people. And even though their success only reached "cult status", they are and always will be a legend in the hearts and minds of millions of kids who never fit into the "mainstream." Listening to the Ramones made you feel like you belonged to something bigger and that you weren't such a big weirdo after all... or maybe we all are anyway and that's what makes us cool. "Gabba Gabba we accept you we accept you one of us!!" DAVID KELLY: Three of the most important punk albums of all time. Both Leave Home and Rocket to Russia lay down a vicious, straight-forward back beat behind Joey's beautifully nasal singing voice. The "core" of rock and roll is ever-present on the albums. The songs sound like a symphony of chainsaw beats, guitar and well timed bass playing. The slow tunes are cozy without being "soft." On the albums the Ramones looked and sounded "surprisingly" imperfect. Where did these punks come from? Who let them into the mix? Their live shows were another ball game entirely. After seeing over 10 years worth of Ramones shows, two stand out for various reasons. One was in a club called Streets in New Rochelle, NY (Westchester). I was surprised and also made to feel pleasantly rewarded that my favorite band would play 15 minutes from home. But Streets? Not even bar bands enjoyed playing there. It was usually just an empty local heavy metal band club. The floor was packed like sardines, so much so that my 250 lb. body was lifted off the floor even before the Ramones came on. Everyone was in heavy combat boots and Converse All Stars. The club was "gassed" with dry ice so that you couldn't see yourself. All of the amps and stacks were screaming with feedback turned up all the way. The stage was so small that Joey had literally two feet of room between the bass drum and the edge of the stage. The club's roadies were in the way of Joey's mike stand shenanigans and Joey dropped the mike. There were tons of people stage diving. A complete mess. The show was probably a bad one for them, but a great one for me. No wonder the Ramones were always bickering, but they were always able to get through really rough shows and play another one a couple of days later. Through the bickering they had great hearts. For example, another show was a benefit for a Catholic girls' school gym in Queens Village. A string was tied at each end of the stage to "keep the crowd at bay." Yeah right! The only stage security were two "nice," "normal" Jamaican Wells Fargo bank guards. When they started playing the place erupted. The two bank guards were helplessly pinned to the stage for the whole show while the 500+ crowd took advantage. Well, it was for a good cause. SEAN: This was my first Ramones album. I saw 'em on Uncle Floyd and suddenly rock 'n' roll made sense. It didn't take me long to catch up on what I'd missed, way out in deepest darkest Jersey... and then start a band... and here I am. What's the best Ramones album? Whichever one is playing at the time. That said, this one has the first demo that sounds like, like, like it's not finished being written. That's one track out of four albums. Not bad. But it's still better than anything you've done. JARI: "I Just Want to Have Something to Do" is probably one of the strongest opening songs of the Ramones albums. When Ramones fans hear "IJJWHSTD" they think of the "arrival" scene in Rock and Roll High School. Road to Ruin contains many different kinds of songs. Good beginning to start listening Ramones. Bonus choices are good mix of the early Ramones. At first take in "Come Back, She Cried" song, it was disappointment. HOLMSTROM: I'll never forget the cover meetings for Road to Ruin, which were held in their management offices. A nice, swank place on West 57th Street. Johnny explained the album title. "You know, Rocket to Russia... Road to Ruin, it kind of fits, right? You know, rock 'n' roll is like the road to ruin, right?" I got the feeling they wanted to catapult off the success of Rocket to Russia, which sold pretty well--after all, "Sheena" went Top 40 (sort of). Then Tommy started talking about stepping down as drummer (I had to draw Marky in his place), and he said, "If this record doesn't have a hit, then the Ramones will never have a hit." Whenever you talked with the Ramones about their records, they always talked about getting a hit. Not which song was best, which song would be the hit... Sadly, Tommy was correct. Some people include this in their "Greatest Ramones Records," some people don't. I would. "Sedated" is probably their signature song, "She's The One" is a great song, and I actually like "Don't Come Close," their bid for C&W credibility. But that song, and "Questioningly" and "Needles and Pins" are songs that don't exactly appeal to the vast majority of the Ramones fandom. And the whole "mental retard drug-addled pinhead" thing seemed overdone with "Go Mental" and "Bad Brain" (added to "Sedated"). They showed they were human after all. But then, what seemed like the smartest, most commercial, "can't miss!" move they could ever EVER make--having Phil Spector produce Rock 'n' Roll High School, the soundtrack from their upcoming "hit" movie (fingers crossed)--turned out to be... But that's another story for another day. Return to top | previous | next

Retarded Stardumb Records www.stardumbrecords.com JOLLY: Tuneful and tasty, schmaltzy n' smart. The Ramones ARE a good group. No, for real--of all the "modern" groups that sound exactly like the Rams, this one is real good. Great illiterate foreigner straight to the point titles: "Let's Go in My Bedroom," "You're Not Cool," "Let's Keep Goin' The Show," "I Wanna Be The Same." Even "Let's Go (Let's Go, Let's Go)." As the band themselves say in their liner notes, "We don't know how long Retarded's gonna last." Whaddayou, kiddin'? Retarded's not goin nowhere--there's plenty of Retarded to go around! RETARDED's here to stay. Bush's got four years to go. If he doesn't go for conspiracy, when his term is up next year Giuliani is a shoo-in for dog-catcher in Encino. Or President of Amerika. Who the fuck knows--but I do know this: RETARDED iz forever. "I gotta bran' new plaze wher du gurz are heap/Lezgo lezgo lezgo." Dat's what I'm sayin'. JESSICA: This band definitely sounds like it was Ramones influenced, like "Judy Wants To Be My Girl." I like the fast, high-paced rhythm but the vocals are a little sketchy for me. It sounds like he's got a bad sore throat happening. But then again some parts the singer sounds okay, but man he says "go" and a few other words in a way that just gets on my nerves. I don't know maybe because these guys are from Italy. Yeah definitely too much "go" in the songs. But I do think these guys have some serious potential instrumentally. DAVID KELLY: The Retarded, from Italy, are punk. Their album Retarded starts off with a bang that continues throughout. Very "Ramones-y." Also a lot of "Oi" influence in the energetic songs. Lots of anthemic soccer chants and sing alongs with great guitar hooks. Great album for--new punk fans. Blows away Green Day and other new jack bands. Italians have a lot of spirit and it is obvious on this record. JARI: Really Ramonesiac stuff. Can't find too many Italian tastes of the sound, but some and so punk 'n' roll keeps on going, loud and fast stuff simply way, but not too many parts stolen from legends. Fresh sound and feeling. HOLMSTROM: They look like the Ramones. They sound like the Ramones. (Except for the singer, of course--he really sounds retarded!) But it's not the Ramones, it's the Retarded! They're like the Stupid Ramones--the Ramones less-talented offspring--but there's just three of them! Not four! And they count down "Four Three Two One!" (instead of "One Two Three Four!) How retarded can you get! After listening to these guys and to Raw Power last time, I wanna go to Italy. They get it! Return to top | previous | next

Phantom Rockers Psycho Sick Motherfucker Hello Records www.hellorecords.com JOLLY: Title tracks a flesh flayer--calling all Ed Gein fans. 'N' the rest of these titles tell the story of Psychometalabilly: "Living Dead," "Leather Zombie," "Crash and Burn." Boy, it ain't easy bein' a psychotic mass murderin' white trash sicko--I wanna tell ya. If I was thirteen I'd prob'ly believe every word, photo and monster movie green blood drippin' logo was the Gospel Truth. And that they were really psycho-murderers. In reality though they probably work in an insurance office or the Government. Or maybe they're really killers. Same diff. JESSICA: WOW!!!! These guys are awesome!!! I really like this!!! It's got a real Stray Cats southern sound. The bassist Mathias Fandango uses a stand-up bass which gives it a really nice sound, and he also sings. His voice is just scratchy enough and yet really nice too. This is car-crashing, bar-fighting, good ol' fun. Wow I love this. Really Clash, stray cats influenced but more psycho-billish, horror rock, than just rockabilly. Wow would I love to see these guys live! My only qualm is that there are only six songs on this CD, which sucks because I want to hear a lot more. They also cover "Psychotherapy" by The Ramones--a really nice, different-sounding cover. The "Brand New Cadillac" cover by Vince Taylor is absolutely amazing. I'm in love with this band. Also how can you go wrong with an album named Psycho Sick Motherfucker. I mean come on? DAVID KELLY: Wow, these guys rock. A very tight band with catchy, rockin' tunes. They are reminiscent of a rockabilly/"Oi" sound. Great production gives the album that "blast" effect. Their cover of "Psychotherapy" is excellent. Vocals are unique and strong with a growl. JARI: Garage-stuff with a little dirty way, but at honestly you can find many "rockaway hard rockings." This is pretty good stuff, but I suppose they're doing more good records. "Psychotherapy" comes out an aggressive way which is good. HOLMSTROM: Hey--good old rock 'n' roll with a twist: The good, old, reliable horror additive. Like the Misfits, the Zombies, Black Sabbath and a zillion bands before 'em, Phantom Rockers sound like Bela Lugosi ROCK 'N' ROLL. But I like it 'cause it's heavy on the rock 'n' roll. Man--I can just not believe how many great CDs we've been getting through the mail. Watching MTV, reading mainstream magazines and even reading "punk" fanzines you get no idea that there's a healthy rock 'n' roll scene out there. In fact, you'd think that rock 'n' roll is dead! Far from it. It's a Space Age Zombie that will never die! It just keeps feasting on the young... Phantom Rockers told me so. Return to top | previous | next

Shades Apart Sonic Boom Universal Records www.universalrecords.com JOLLY: These guys' idea of a "conspiracy" is "I've taken my umbrella/so of course it doesn't rain." Are YOU ready to believe in The Big Theory? Most of the lyrics are pretty good but I can't stand this kind of music--it's too chic, it's like funkpunkrock "hard" "professional." I'm gonna order the double burger and the chocolate shake while these guys talk about their relationships/fave sci-fi flicks/conspiracy theories. And fries, bro, don't forget the fries! Christ, we got a good life here in America! JESSICA: Wow what an utter load of crap. This sucks! I don't care how big they are. I can see this band getting really big and being played over the radio over and over again. This is Third Eye Blind, Matchbox 20 garbage. I can't even write anymore I'm too disheveled. DAVID KELLY: Melodic punk with heartfelt attitude. These guys sound like they are trying to win over a beautiful punk girlfriend in every song. The production is solid enough to capture the nuances of the band. This will get you through those bad times with your pierced and tatted "cutie." JARI: At first I get to my mind like Pearl Jam and Eddie Vedder 'cause the singer. Talented band, but not ready to do full-length album. I don't really like this band, nothing original. HOLMSTROM: Okay, this is the first CD sent to us by a major label. Here is where I suppose I am supposed to launch into a diatribe against corporate rock, and rail against sellouts and all that. Well, fuck that shit. If these guys are good, it doesn't matter if they pressed it themselves or got a million-dollar record deal. In fact, this CD is not so bad. Not quite what I like listening to, but I am listening to these kids after three Ramones records and two GREAT indie releases. Hard acts to follow. But I am disappointed at how mediocre this is. All I got to say to the major labels is: Keep sending stuff to us! And keep signing punk bands to huge contracts. We need the money to revitalize this scene. Too much cool stuff is happening now and we need all the help we can get. Return to top | previous | next

Peelander-Z Rocket Gold Star Eat Rice Records www.peelander-z.com JOLLY: Dude! Exactly! I don't care where you're from--Miami, Zimbabwe--you must--you will relate! This is the real more songs about buildings and food! I could quote all the lyrics but here's a few: "It's gonna be Godzilla/give me a chance!" "I wanna be #1/Those are some strange fireworks" "Looks good/but I can't eat it/Tried to eat many times!/But I can't eat it!/One day you & me will have oyster party" "Erupting volcano is dangerous/let's eat saury (sic) and mckeral (sic) tonight! Let's go get fish!" "Quit drilling a hole in your foot!" "ADVANCE! ASPIRE! EXECUTE! OBTAIN!" Sorry I can't stop - "My boss said 'You are fired!' for what reason? I don't know everyday never late 4 years/morning & night working like an ant!" and last but not least: "You will die! R & R never die! I don't wanna die! R & R never die!" Listen to this after you see Pearl Harbor and break even. JESSICA: Total Japanese punk rock. This is great! Japanese punk rock is fucking awesome. I wonder if these guys were influenced by Guitar Wolf? The lyrics are written in English and Japanese but still they make no sense and its great. "Let's go eat fish", "I got a cow, I got a pet". This is funny shit. A definite winner when it comes to good old-fashioned silliness. DAVID KELLY: These guys are wild--oriental NY punk. From the start of the album "Godzilla" is sonically attacking while "Nuke Bomb" is going off in the distance. Very heavy guitar/bass/drum blast with wild "kato" style vocals. JARI: They wanna sounds funny? For me they look when I look that name of the record company is Eat Rice Records and guys are eating pasta in the booklet. Street R'R with oriental stuff, strange mix shaking your head, but you know what to wait. HOLMSTROM: Man, the CD cover is awful! Really stupid. And then we played the CD. REALLY STUPID! So I was all set to trash these guys. Finally, a band I can hate! But I can't! They're funny! This NYC/Japanese punk band hand-lettered their lyrics in Japanese and English with some really cool cartoons, which got to me. And the lyrics are very funny. These guys are like Devo meets the Ramones, turn into Godzilla and then go to Yankee Stadium to have a hot dog, a beer and some sushi before getting abducted by a UFO. Now it's time to go out and drink some more--Furious George is playing at the Continental! Return to top | previous