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PUNK Magazine Listening Party #9 (8/17/01)
Dave Vanian and The CaptainListening Party of THE DAMNED
by Holmstrom, Jessica, Anna, The General and special guests Dave Vanian, Captain Sensible and Mitch from Nitro Records!

Notes by John Holmstrom

This has to be the coolest Listening Party yet! Two founding members of The Damned - one of the best, original, greatest punk rock bands of all time - stopped by the PUNK magazine office to hang out with us, drink beer and listen to punk rock 'n' roll! What cool guys!

The most interesting thing The Damned told me during our interview session is that there is no punk rock scene in England anymore. There aren't even guitar bands anymore. It's all been taken over by techno. So apparently, Dave and The Captain were really happy to sit in on a Listening Party and hear a sampling of the (mostly) great stuff we're receiving in the mail.

Hey, punk rock 'n' roll RULES! And it's coming back in a vicious way! So send us your band's review CD so we can listen to it and help make you famous:
PUNK Magazine Listening Party
PMB 675
200 East 10th Street
New York, NY 10003

Special thanks to Penny Brignell, the coolest woman in all of England, who set this all up. (We're hoping to have a Listening Party with her next time she stops by NYC.)

Guttersnipes | The Nerds | Roach Motel | The Beatings | Antiseen | New York Dolls

The Guttersnipes The Guttersnipes
TMR International Records
www.theguttersnipes.com
DAVE:
Old school rock 'n' roll. Reminds me of the sound of Alice Cooper's Killer album.

THE CAPTAIN:
They've got attitude but I hate rock 'n' roll. I just had a row on British radio with that cunt Brian Adams. I said rock 'n' roll died with Eddie Cochran and Elvis Presley. He said - rock 'n' roll's my life, you're saying my music is dead music. I said - I rest my case!

JESSICA:
Hey hey this is pretty good stuff! Really nice guitar solos, great vocals, it really has a nice older sound. These guys are gold old hula shirt-wearing N.J. punk rawwk.

MITCH:
Can't understand a word this guy is singing... And why would I want to? Good stuff. They should play in my garage.

HOLMSTROM:
The press kit made it sound like they're really great but... It's not bad, just not what I expected after reading their press clippings. There should be a law against that! (Only kidding.) It's okay, just not as good as I'd hoped.

THE GENERAL:
Wow! The Damned are here! This so beats Johnny the Talking Toilet. Captain Sensible just knocked over my fucking beer! Johnny the Talking Toilet would never do that shit. Where the hell is Jolly? I need him to throw up on the beer!

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The NerdsThe Nerds
...Just Because She Didn't Wanna Fuck
Stardumb Records
www.stardumbrecords.com
digilander.iol.it/thenerds
DAVE:
Razor blade guitar-toting punk sounds like a chap Cap used to work with in the '70s, Johnny Moped. Nice scream, good party track.

THE CAPTAIN:
Good ol' noisy shit - gnarled guitar tone, etc. Gawdbless 'em. Lots better than the Backstreet Boys - or N'Sync. Aren't guitars great! Oh - and drums. (That's for Pinch - he'll only moan otherwise.)

JESSICA:
Okay, the CD cover is pretty bad. A bludgeoned girl with her top over her head. Okay, enough. This is really fast and noisy and it's just not my style at all.

MITCH:
The unpleasant screams at the beginning remind me of the sounds people make when my roommate walks down the beach with his shirt off. No thanks... I would put on Slayer first.

HOLMSTROM:
Hardcore! Oh, man, this is offensive stuff. Fast and loud rules, but... These guys like GG Allin, who was the worst excuse for punk rock that I ever heard. I mean, ANYONE can be shocking by taking a shit onstage and throwing it at people. If you have to resort to that kind of shit (literally), then obviously you don't have much talent! One of the things I admired about the Ramones was that, after Alice Cooper had done necrophilia, hangings and guillotines onstage to be shocking, the Ramones were even MORE shocking by singing "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," "Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue" and "Beat on the Brat with a Baseball Bat." They were more menacing than Alice Cooper was by just standing there, looking mean, and being themselves. I am disappointed again because, once again, I read some hype about this band that made it sound like they're something great but they are not.

THE GENERAL:
Two seconds into it and it's my favorite fucking CD! I just got to look up Anna's friend's dress and now this! And she wasn't wearing underwear! Holy cow, I'm in Schaefer City!

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Roach MotelRoach Motel
Worstest Hits
Sound Idea Distribution
www.soundideadistribution.com www.matteblack.com/roachmotel
DAVE:
Stayed in many of these!! Takes me back to the sounds of early '70s punk!

THE CAPTAIN:
The trouble with this band is they've all got bad teeth. Wot's up? Ain't they got no dentists in the USA? It's a rancid noise - but they will probably be happy with that assessment.

JESSICA:
This is George Tabb's first band and that should tell you something... That it's good ol' punk rock. George Tabb is a great guy and super cool so I have nothing but good things to say about this one. It's really old though, so be wary.

MITCH:
This band is jacked on speed. Makes me want to drink warm beer and cut school.

HOLMSTROM:
Furious George's first band. Great attitude (from the song titles): "I Hate the Sunshine State," "More Beer," "My Dog's into Anarchy," "I Wanna Keep My Gun," "Brooke Shields Must Die," (I like the song title but I am still a fan of Brooke Shields since she was into punk early on (well, she went to a Blondie party once and was real polite to us, even though she was a 12-year-old girl and we were... Well, you know!) so I think of her as "one of us" (and besides she was GREAT in that movie "Freeway" with Reese Witherspoon and Kiefer Sutherland). George Tabb rules. He was here earlier, talking with the Damned for his day job, the NY Press. If you aren't familiar with George's writing, the you've missed the one guy (along with NY Waste) who helped keep the punk thing going in NYC in the 1990s.

THE GENERAL:
George Tabb rocks! George rules! He is the Burger King of Rock 'n' Roll!

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The BeatingsThe Beatings
Altamount Records
www.altamontrecords.com
The BeatingsDAVE:
With a classic "Ooo Ooo" chorus! Always a winner. Glammy, Gen-X sounding.

THE CAPTAIN:
Who's this? Sounds like Billy Idol - his Gen X period. Not bad for all that. Loads a Wo Wo Wo's and catchy lil' guitar lines. Better than a boot in the earhole. Bring back glam rock, that's wot I say. Billy Idol still owes me a fiver by the way.

JESSICA:
I give these guys credit: They sent us a great package and took a lot of time and care in making this CD for the Listening Party, but I think they need more time to grow. The band sounds great but the vocals are lacking. Also, if I turn my head the right way I can see down The General's shirt! Wowee! The General is a floozy.

MITCH:
An "audio beating" in a sense... Wait a minute, it is getting better...

The BeatingsHOLMSTROM:
"A" for effort for the packaging... I like the PUNK cover... But... I have always had a problem with bands that keep trying to revive "glam rock." For one thing, it hasn't worked since the hair band thing died in the early 1990s. I have never understood, and will never understand, why so many young men in rock bands want to dress up in fishnet stockings, makeup and girly clothes. I lived through the whole "glam rock" era, when there were endless bands in rooster haircuts, makeup, platform boots, feathers and all that crap. It totally and completely SUCKED! Luckily rock and roll moved on. I often wonder how long the whole punk rock thing will last, but I think the fact is that's it's based on classic rock 'n' roll stereotypes instead of camp imagery is why it has lasted. It's real. It's authentic. So punk rock 'n' roll might be around for a long time, but I think the hair band thing has seen its heyday and might never return. On the other hand, this band put so much effort into their press kit that I think they could be a real contender some day. It's the kind of thing I noticed when I started PUNK magazine - the bands that pay attention to small details usually win out. And these guys definitely got our attention - there was no way we'd miss their CD at this party. So, I basically like this band.

THE GENERAL:
Sounds just like Britney Spears! I want to look down this band's shirt!

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AntiseenAntiseen
15 Minutes of Fame, 15 Years of Anarchy
Steel Cage Records
www.antiseen.com
DAVE:
More Moped! Not really my cup of poison. Singer reminds me of the dulcet tones of Lemmy. I like the groovy organ on "1969."

THE CAPTAIN:
Blimey - this music is for blokes only - testosterone-fuelled nonsense - they've probably never been to an art gallery - or anything. Oh, Christ - I hope that doesn't make me sound like a ponce!!!!

JESSICA:
They have some really nice influences (The Stooges, etc.), but man, I'm not feeling this. The vocals are really, really scratchy. It sounds like a big, fat, gut-bellied, grey Santa-beard junkyard owner. These guys are good music to listen to when and if you watch The Undertaker on the WWF.

MITCH:
The intro is longer than a Yes record. Anti-Good... Just kidding... Good covers.

HOLMSTROM:
Good song titles, good cover versions (their cover of "Haunted House" is amazing! And their cover of The Troggs' "I Can't Control Myself" is interesting, and they have a bunch more great covers on this CD), but... if only the guy could sing! (You know, this reminds me... The two greatest "crooners" in the history of punk rock are probably Joey Ramone and Dave Vanian! And you know what? Both of them (along with David Johansen) seem to attract the most bee-yoo-tee-full wimmin to their concerts... And... Isn't that what it's all about?

THE GENERAL:
I gotta wonder if Jessica is wearing any underwear... She keeps on looking at me in that funny, special kind of way. So is Frank. No way am I dropping the soap in front of that guy! This band looks like a bunch of nuclear mutants!

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NY DollsNew York Dolls
Lipstick Killers
ROIR
www.roir-usa.com
DAVE:
The original New York Attitude band with their first album's production sounding like The Shangri-Las on acid with Thunders' distinctive guitar and Johansen's vocal gymnastics. These demos are raw sounding - more like the Rolling Stones, only hinting at what was to come!

THE CAPTAIN:
When I joined The Damned Brian - whose dastardly scheme it was to play us NY Dolls (+ Ramones + Stooges) nonstop to try and dislodge the Slade and Gary glitter that we was more used to hearing over in the UK. There's a lot to be said for raw music with a tune and the Dolls do it so well. What a bunch of sweeties!

JESSICA:
These are demo tapes from the Dolls. I like the NY Dolls so I have nothing bad to say except that again these are demo tapes and they're rough but if you're a Dolls fan it probably won't matter to you.

MITCH:
Sounds like it was recorded live at a high school prom. If Keith Richards hired a band to play his daughter's birthday party, this would be the one. Dirty and great.

HOLMSTROM:
Hey! They sound as bad as everyone else we've been listening to! Weird. It's like the New York Dolls played at half-speed. Y'know, there is definitely something to be said for good production.

The first time I saw the New York Dolls they opened for Mott The Hoople at the Felt Forum (the mini-Madison Square Garden). I wasn't into the drag thing or the glitter routine, but as a heavy metal kid in the early 1970s who spent a lot of time waiting in line to buy tickets at the Garden for Deep Purple, ELP, Jethro Tull or Alice Cooper I was really impressed with the Dolls' energy. And I was really impressed that I could buy a ticket to a club and just push my way to the front to get a good seat! That was so much easier than waiting in line for three days!

The Dolls were too fey and amateurish for the other heavy metal kids I used to see at the arena shows. I was sort of disowned by these heavy metal kids when I left arena rock for the Dolls. That was sort of the first inkling that punk rock would not be mainstream in the 1970s. I remember going to see the Dolls at Club 82 on 3rd Street, when the bull-dykes ran the place and the creme de la creme of the New York Rock Club Scene would show up dressed to the nines. Back then, guys would be competing with each other to wear the highest platform boots possible, and women would compete with the men to dress as outrageously as possible. I remember once someone had a fish bowl with live fish in the heels of their gigantic platforms. It was wild - and I was seeing the tail end of the glitter phenomenon! This was just after the peak, in 1974.

I didn't like the fact that glam rock was more about image than rock 'n' roll for 99% of the NYC glitter bands. But the New York Dolls were different. They were F'N great. Despite or because of the makeup, silly clothes, drugs, alcohol and star trips, they were able to totally kick ass. Legs McNeil makes fun of me for suggesting "Teenage News" as the title for what we later named PUNK (Legs: "What a STUPID name!"), but I still think it was a cool name. (Inspired by the NY Doll's song of the same name, of course.) 'Cause the New York Dolls are probably the coolest band that ever came out of New York. Without them, we wouldn't have had The Dictators, The Ramones, Blondie, the Talking Heads, Patti Smith, Television, etc. etc. The New York Dolls made New York City a hotbed for rock 'n' roll. And besides inspiring punk rock, the Dolls also inspired all that 1980s hair band stuff. And they also inspired Malcolm McLaren, who managed them at the end, to start the Sex Pistols! So they had a heavy influence on the whole English punk thing as well! When you think about all that, it's incredible. They have to be the most influential band of all time - more than the Beatles and the Rolling Stones (even though the Dolls were, in turn inspired by those two) since the Dolls inspired more different bands than the Beatles or the Stones. Anyone who enjoys rock 'n' roll has to appreciate the New York Dolls. They were the greatest.

All that said, the most interesting this about this CD is that it sucks. It's horrible. This is the Dolls played at half-speed. It's slow, boring and pure sludge. But that's also why it's kind of amazing. It shows you how a rock 'n' roll band can turn it all around by turning it up a notch. It reminds me of the early Ramones demos I have heard, before they speeded things up a bit. And every band should take inspiration!

THE GENERAL:
This CD really makes me want to go to the bathroom! What I would do for adult diapers!

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Well that was the end of the party. Jessica gave her coffin-shaped guitar case to The Captain and Dave, and we said goodbye.

 
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