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PUNK Magazine Listening Party #14 (9/16/02)
by The General, Jolly Prochnik, Sean and John Holmstrom
Have your CD reviewed here! Send it to: |
PUNK Magazine Listening Party
PMB 675
200 East 10th Street
New York, NY 10003 |
The General's Birthday Party
Today is The General's birthday! So we are trying to throw a surprise party for him... We'll see if he manages to show up or not.
Charm School | Guttermouth | The Bad Vibes | Stevie & The Trash | Electric Frankenstein Meets Muddy Frankenstein | Gluecifer | Crimson Sweet | Anal Thunder | Barbara Ann | Marky Ramone and The Speed Kings | Misfits
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Charm School
Self-produced demo
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HOLMSTROM:
Charm School has been around for a while. I think they're a band that has sort of been taken for granted that way. But this CD is real good! The first track, "Trust Fund Baby," sort of sums up their sound - pop music with an edge - a lot like early Blondie. Tina Pederson, the singer, has a real nice voice. She doesn't remind me of anyone so I won't write one of those stupid "Debbie Harry/Chrissie Hynde of the new millennium" comparisons that make me puke. This is just a good, solid rock 'n' roll band and this is one of the best CDs we've played lately. Great cover of Devo's "Girl U Want."
JOLLY:
Comments Militarily Secretified.
Next.
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HOLMSTROM:
I saw these guys at the Warped Tour. They were really a lot of fun. In fact, they were probably the highlight of the entire show. I usually don't like these CA punky-pop bands but these guys are different. Some song titles: "Pee in the Shower," "Scholarship in Punk," "Foot-long." They write some funny lyrics, too. The bad thing is, after a while they stop playing punk rock on this CD and it sounds like they're bored with punk rock. But whatever they do instead of punk isn't better than punk rock. So maybe they should stick to what they do best.
JOLLY:
You know, freedom is my business. Rockin' is my business. While we're changin' records, I went for that 'modeling' job - I was just saying, waiting for my x-wife to accompany me to it (since "ya never know") I was saying I don't like my (employment) options so I walked into the place and on the wall it says "OPTIONS".
Weird. There was all these moms with their kids, all hoping to "make it big". But it was sad - they wanted six hundred fuckin' dollars to put your picture on a web site so that was that. Anyhow next band. "Bad Vibes" - sounds good. Let's hear it.
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HOLMSTROM:
Another Steel Cage Record! Good thing no girls are here yet - they usually hate anything Steel Cage Records puts out there! Angry, heavy, hate-filled, loud... yeah, it's another Steel Cage Record! It's an interesting name for a band but I was hoping they'd be even worse than this. C'mon guys, - is this the worst you can do? Good song titles: "Whole Lotta Nothing," "Lifetime of bad Days," "Sorry Ass me," and "Drunk on Sour Grapes." Nice Tommy Ramone-style drum (that nice simple back beat!). But the singer is a one-note screamer and the guitar is so monotonous that they're like what everyone accused the Ramones of being when they said, "every song sounds exactly the same." Except that some songs are fast + boring and some songs are slow + boring. I have to admit that the title track, "Hate Your Everything," totally kicks ass.
JOLLY:
1st song: "Goddamned again" I can't understand one word.
2nd song: "Whole lotta nothing" Ditto but it's a good title.
3rd song: "Your name should be regret" I like, like, the music.
4th song: Gee these songs're mercifully short. "Life time of bad days". I like this song a lot, actually I like the whole thing so far. The singer screams, the music is good. Fast and good. So far it's terrif.
5th song: "Long since gone" Yup.
6th, 7th, 8th songs: More of the same. It's all pretty much very good.
Title track: Fast, loud, good. An American Motorhead. Check 'em out, baby.
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Stevie & The Trash
Alone At The Bar
Self-produced demo |
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HOLMSTROM:
Stevie used to be in Furious George with George Tabb. He left to start this band. Song titles: "Let's Drink," "I'm a mess," "Why I Drink," "Good Friends and Booze." This is a self-produced demo and it sounds like it - it's one of the worst-produced CDs we've ever had to listen to. The music isn't so bad - it's your basic punk rock - but Stevie & The Trash do exactly what you'd expect. C'mon guys - take a trip on the high wire. Jump off the high dive and into the mud. Be really stupid! Or really smart. But don't be lazy. Don't be mediocre. Don't play it so safe. (Then again, "Half a Man" is so bad it almost represents a whole new genre of music! And so is "Got My Dick" where they sing "my dick" and "got my dick" over and over and over and over...) Stevie! I hate to be the guy who writes this but really, sometimes even your best friends won't tell you when you have halitosis... And your band has it.
JOLLY:
Well, it's fast. Bad singing. Lyrics: I don't care what you say to me/let's drink/wanna party all night.
Bad riff. (Not good bad, bad bad.) "I'm a mess/yeah" So? No? Jus machts do?
This record is making me tired. And it's only 6:30. Lyrics: "I don't care." Neither me.
The phone rings. John picks it up. Probably people canceling for tonite's party.
John: "We're hoping somebody shows up."
A good version of "I get around". I mean, it's obvious they're trying way (way) hard to be "punk" but on this one song it doesn't matter 'cos they hit that 'point' where total insincere trying to be not good meets total sincere trying to be good and failing. I'll give them that.
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Sean, a regular visitor to so many L.P.s, shows up.
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Electric Frankenstein Meets Muddy Frankenstein
Twins of Evil
Myrmecoleo Records
www.myrmecoleo.com |
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HOLMSTROM:
Electric Frankenstein is one of those bands that's been around the NYC/NJ scene for what seems like forever. I met one of the guys and he told me that he coined the term "punk rock & roll" which has come to describe punk rock that goes back to the roots of rock 'n' roll. He also told me he was good friends with The Bullys from way back when. They're a good band, maybe even great - based on this record! Punk rock & roll describes their sound pretty well - lotsa 1970s rock 'n' roll in there but as fast 'n' loud as most people now prefer it. "A Fistful of Rock" reminds me of Deep Purple or Blue Oyster Cult! "Neurotic Pleasures" reminds me of The Saints! Muddy Frankenstein is also pretty good. More squealing guitar solos, and a little bit crazier than EF. Their last song, "I'd Rather Go To Jail," has a Mitch Ryder feel to it.
JOLLY:
Ah, Rolling Rock instead of Bud. I can hear the lyrics on this one. The singer sounds like Paul Stanley. Guitars like Kiss Alive but maybe heavier, with that Paul Cook slowdown thing drummingwise.
Hey this is pretty good. This song sounds like Gene Simmons singing/pretty good tune. Very Good.
"Neurotic Love": Right, I like this song and also I agree that neurotic love is the best (only) kind - otherwise you got two 'people' (actor & actress) doing the fake love thing for the crowd. Who needs it?! Be real - NEUROTIC! YAY! Liner notes: "Rock on 'til you wind up dead." My plans exactly. I'm the strongest man in the universe, and I'm not even a 'man.' (Adult, that is - don't get crazy, baby, 'til I pop you inna chops!)
SEAN:
I'm only hearing the end of this, 'cause I got here late. Liner notes are extra cool 'cause they're in Japanese and I can't read 'em. The music sounds pretty good, but the vocals sound generically American. They should translate their lyrics into Japanese, the back into English, then sing them badly.
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The Listening Party is interrupted as Frank Black calls The General to invite him to come up here.
Jolly on the "surprise" party:
Surprise Partywise, I say to Eugenia, Frank's lovely assistant, "Hey what about what Norton said on The Honeymooners 'Surprise Party' episode: 'No party and -'" "And that's the surprise," she says, stepping on my punchline. "Right" says I. Now John, Frank and Eugenia are outside calling people on the phone. Okay, they just came back.
Eugenia just helped me by telling me to "Ashtray my cig" - the ash WAS a-gettin' kinda long. This song sounds like KISS live at CB's which could never have happened in a month of Sundays. It sounds like Ace Frehley singing lead - wow, can ya get enough fake Kiss? Some folks can't, I guess, 'cos there sure is alotta that goin' around!
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HOLMSTROM:
Penny Brignell is working with this band - and they're a good F'N band! I dunno who they sound like but they sound modern and cool and punk rock - kind of slick, too, but in the way that a Maxim magazine model would look if she's dressed in leather, carrying a gun and driving a hot car.
JOLLY:
"I'm done with the easy livin'." ME TOO! But not 'cause I wanna, if you get muh drift, dagnabbit. Life - it's become like a psycho test, like Lemmie Caution sez. A test to see if they can make ya go psycho. It's psychological warfare - psy ops agin' the American People by The American Gov't, or some part of it, and/or the media. You know, all I got to "go" on is standard late model paranoia. You've heard it from all kindsa whackos plenny o' times, and I have nothing new to add. In a nutshell, "they" own the pre-determined future. So don't "do" anything.
Just watch. And listen. To this record, or masturbate like 'The Politicians' (a group from Detroit).
SEAN:This is pretty good. It's derivative in all the right ways. I may buy it if I ever get any money.
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HOLMSTROM:
I think Crimson Sweet is the first band that used one of our Website reviews in their publicity and advertising. Yeah, we liked their first record! This one is good, too. I don't know if it's me or them but I think I liked their first record better. That or we're all distracted right now because we can't get The General on his cell phone and it looks like he might miss his own surprise party. What an idiot!
JOLLY:
I like. The Crimson Sweet - liked 'em before, 'n' I still like 'em one album on. Great titles. Great songs. "Airport Novel:" Yeah - everytime I'm in an airport I feel like writing/reading/living a novel. I worked at JFK airport once. It was fun/funny, 'cos I was smokin' like a chimney in the jet fumes plus the car exhaust next to a vent that put asbestos into the air. Six hours a day, five days a week for a year. It was very "atmospheric," although there wasn't a lot of "oxygen" - hey, I'll NEVER get cancer - I'm TRAINED! I been PRACTICIN', you know? Another great title: "Sad Walk at Knifepoint." Yup, that can have a certain poignancy.
Sean: "You know what THIS song needs?"
Me: "Yeah - LYRICS!"
Good title tho' - sounds like Santo & Johnny or somethin'.
Back to Crimson Sweet, I like the third song on this CD, "Still Glistening" - it's a GREAT song! They remind me a bit of the Velvets. I think this kind of stuff is why I liked them in the first place. The other songs after that one are good also, "Su Electric."
SEAN:
Ah, Crimson Sweet. I wanna be in this band. They need either a tiny bit more production or a tiny bit less production.
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HOLMSTROM:
The music isn't that good, but the lyrics are great! (I wish I could quote them but it's gettin' late. you know...) The Beatles suck because they could never write lyrics this good. Anal Thunder did the other side - it's okay, funny lyrics. But not as good as "Will Fuck for Crack." The second song is some kind of masterpiece also. It's like a hardcore punk rock opera! It's...
JOLLY:
That's Anal Thunder of "Will Fuck For Crack" fame. Okayyy, as Foxy Brown (Heart Symbol) says. Uh... "Pregnant Teenage Girls On Crack": It's mellow but they equate drugs with pregnancy. "Old E Fever": They're equating drink with drugs.
"No Redeeming Social Value": They're equating mere ASSERTION of OPINION with OBJECTIVE TRUTH. I think they're ready to join The Politicians. You will remember that group from Detroit Michigan. I saw them open for The Black Orchestra once. You shoulda seen it. The Politicians came out and masturbated themselves, each other and the audience, which was made up of twelve-year-old retards, and me. Then The Black Orchestra came on. They KILLED - everyone who had witnessed their performance, that is, except for me. You can hear the whole thing on "Live At The Media"
SEAN:No redeeming social value.
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Whoops! The General showed up! So we played the custom-made "Happy Birthday" CD I made for him - a bunch of "Happy Birthday" songs and .wav quotes I downloaded from the Net. Then Jolly played the Hot Water Music [LINK to Hot Water Music] song he insists could be a huge chartbreaker. He likes it so much he plays it again... and again... and again... Sorry Jolly, I just don't hear it.
Exclusive! Sean's Review of Hot Water Music (Jolly's favorite new song):
Jolly's making me listen to this. Yes, it could be a hit. In a better world, it would be (and Superdrag would be millionaires). That doesn't mean I'm nuts over it. It would be an excellent Cheap Trick song. I guess this means it's pretty damn good. Jolly won't play the rest of the album. I really like the band.
I played the Electric Frankenstein song "A Fistful of Rock" again - I thought it was the best song of the night so far but it's not grabbing people... Well, it's getting late and everybody's drunk. Back to the CDs!!!
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HOLMSTROM:
She sings like a kewpie doll. It's weird because her band plays punk rock! And there she is singing in her weird, high-pitched voice, the kind that drives certain men mad... and irritates the rest of us. Well, it's interesting. And well-done. But, I wonder - why the hell is she using punk rock to try to get over? She's a sexy, beautiful woman, why not do something commercial if she wants to be successful? I mean, punk rock is not commercial, is it? Well, I guess she's a bit like The Chipmunks there - they had a huge hit with Chipmunk Punk back when no one was buying punk rock. And her band reminds me a bit of Chipmunk Punk. And her name also reminds me of the Beach Boys song of the same name! Legs McNeil and I used to sing the dirty version back when we started PUNK: "Met Barbara Ann/Knew she was a whore/Saw Barbara Ann/So I threw her on the floor/Barbara Ann/Bop bop, bop bop bop bop/Barbara Ann/Bop bop, bop bop bop bop/You got me rockin' and a rollin'/Rockin' and a reelin' Barbara Ann/Bop bop, bop bop bop bop/Saw Barbara Ann/Asked for a dance/Knew she was a whore/So I pulled down her pants/And we did it on the floor..."
Yeah, it was puerile, but it does remind me of "Ode to My Freaks" for some reason.
JOLLY:
I want you, Miss Ann. She's hiking up her dress to show the world her undies. Whoo! Her voice sounds real cute. Lyrics: "Between yer knees" (What is between yer knees besides air? Huh?)
Suddenly, General John Kelly walks in and the party is on! John plays the Happy Birthday CD as General opens his gifts. Here's what I wrote on the Happy Birthday To A One Year Old Card I bought for the occasion:
-Here's some scratch offs; Guaranteed cash! ($2! He won!)
-A lightbulb in case AN idea should flash! (AN idea, get it?)
-A Jolly Time popcorn to propagate the Jolly Myth (General scratches the next scratch off - $2! Again!)
-A g- ($2! Unbelievably The General has won on all three cards! Somebody's MOJO must be crankin'!)
-A gigantic fork to eat it with!
-A real purple skeleton to scare any foe!
-All in a real gold bag for the big Four Oh!
People are making the usual "you're so old" jokes, as the Happy Birthday CD plays on in the background. The German Techno version of Happy Birthday replete with thump thump thump march beat. Then...Marilyn Monroe: "Happy Birthday, Mr. President" (Mr. GENERAL you mean! Dead people are so stupid!) Back To Miss Ann: "Play me like a bongo"
THE GENERAL:Her voice is sexy as Hell! Where's the hand lotion? Sexy, hot, solid rock 'n' roll!
SEAN:Hey, I like this too! What is this? I wanted to rag on crappy CDs and Holmstrom's playing good stuff. Whoops, The General is here, Listening Party is probably over, anti-surprise party now in effect.
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HOLMSTROM:
I gotta hand it to Marky. He had to follow Tommy Ramone. His previous work experience was some hippie band called Dust and Wayne County and the Backstreet Boys. His drumming style was not exactly what I considered "punk rock." Even after he joined 'em, he got kicked out of The Ramones for being too drunk and drugged up - how exactly could someone be less reliable than Dee Dee?
But somehow, out of all that, Marky not only survived but he has thrived. He produced the first Bullys' CD. He put out the Marky Ramone & The Intruders CD after The Ramones broke up. Obviously he wanted to keep going even when other Ramones wanted to quit. (Joey too, of course!) Anyhow, this is a good record! Fast, super fast and faster RNR! Best solo project I've heard since the Ramones broke up. (Well, except for maybe Joey's posthumous CD - but that doesn't count!) It's fast like hardcore, but still sound rock 'n' roll... That's quite an accomplishment. Marky, I salute you!
THE GENERAL:I'd rather hear me sing "How Dry I Am" drunk than this garbage.
SEAN:This would be okay if Joey was singing... Sorry, Nick. Where are the lyrics to "Teenage Rock 'N' Roll Suicide" so's I can rag on 'm? God, I wanna like this. It's got a *terrific* cover... "Burning Rubber" is good 'cause it doesn't sound so much like the Ramones. Marky is a really good drummer. But so are you, Linda.
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HOLMSTROM:
What a great F'N band! I saw the Misfits in 1979. They used to hang out with us when PUNK was going out of business. Bobby Steele, Glenn Danzig, Jerry Only - we'd drink beer and play Risk games, heck, Bruce Carleton and Patricia Ragan even got busted with them one night after they partied too hard at the Chelsea Hotel and got thrown in jail for trashing their room! And this was after Bruce met Jerry Only at the Mudd Club after they got in a fistfight.
The Misfits were living proof that punk was NOT DEAD in 1979, just when all the record company idiots and writers were declaring that it was dead because the Pistols broke up, Sid (allegedly) killed Nancy, and then died from the heroin overdose.
People have attacked the modern incarnation of The Misfits, which is pretty much Jerry Only and whoever else he can get. Yeah, I miss seeing Glenn Danzig in the band. He's a great singer, and in a lot of ways, he never topped what he did with The Misfits. It's be nice of they could get Bobby Steele in the band, he was one of the band's best songwriters (and we all know how the Sex Pistols suffered without Glen Matlock). So in a perfect world, we'd get the original Misfits. But it's not a perfect world, so this is what we get. And it's good. Great version of Iggy's "I Got a Right!" and "Monster Mash." Not only do they play great RNR, they got that sensahumor too! Yeah! The Misfits are just alright with me.
THE GENERAL:
Wild songs. Rips you apart. Whatta song! Whatta blast! Real punk! Hey, unlike Holmstrom I think Elvis Costello sucks! Still this CD is way fucking awesome!
SEAN:
I gotta go. This is good, really good, but after arguing/agreeing with Jolly (+ John), about, basically, what rock 'n' roll is, I gotta go.
30 minutes later: This is actually really good. But I gotta go.
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