Notes by John Holmstrom

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Goin' Places Girl Songwriting 101 Coldfront Records www.goinplaces101.com Return to top | next JOLLY: Farfisa + guitars = drums. Songs. Bass. Singing. "You see them/you want them." Chicks, he's speaking about you, understand. "Can't Get A Girl/Kill Yourself." True. Um. (By the way, "Um" is a word that girls use with charm because they can. They are cold and distant like a union but - when a girl says "Um"... This gets over. Try it. Stand there, pretend to be fascinating. If (accent on "if") a girl of the female species talks to you, then "play it cool." If she asks you a question no matter even if it's "Where's the bathroom" just say: "Um." If it works you're a girl. Try it. Serious....) HOLMSTROM: Pretty good stuff. Frank's assistant Courtney was playing Led Zeppelin before. What a relief to hear some punk rock! Good song titles: "Can't Get a Girl? Kill Yourself," "I'm Not Gay But Sometimes I contemplate Pretending to Be Just So Girls Will Talk To Me," "I Like Your Girlfriend," "I Hate Your Girlfriend." The last song is called "I Like Girl Songs" - that's the understatement of the year. Good songs, good music - real pop but not that emo crap. THE GENERAL: Sounds good, but it's missing something. Needs more screaming. Return to top | next

The Scarecrows www.scarecrowsrocks.com Return to top | previous | next JOLLY: Music is interesting. These guys look like rock stars. Get out of their way and let them be. "Give me your kicks" is the title. "Kicks" by Paul Revere and The Raiders. "Kicks" - Lou Reed. "Man, it was like, kicks, you know?" Neal Casady. What, oh what, is a "kick." "I'm a kick yo' ass!" - Me. I used to have a book: "How To Punt, Pass + Kick." Again, what is "kick?" Kick. Bruce Lee or Bruce Li. "More Kicks Than Pricks" - Andre Gide... But what is a "kick?" It involves feet and motion. Is it then, running? "It is hard for thee to kick against the pricks" Jesus to Saul/Paul (supposedly) Whammo - ouch! Instant Christian! HOLMSTROM: Okay, they're from Sweden so they must be good right? Land of The Hives, Denimzine magazine, Thor (the Norse God, not the rock musician), The Vikings (who kicked ass all over Europe in the Dark Ages) and homeland of all Holmstroms. This band is really good. Two good CDs in a row. This reminds me a lot of different things - hair metal, early punk, 1970s rock 'n' roll, etc. One BIG problem - they use a John Romita drawing of Gwen Stacy for their back cover art... DITKO, MAN! STEVE F'N DITKO! NOT ROMITA! ('Nuff said!) THE GENERAL: Any band that sings about girls with Converse is alright by me! Good record, but doesn't knock my socks off. Maybe I need to drink more beer! Beer rocks! Return to top |  previous |  next

Martin Rev Girl Songwriting 101 ROIR http://www.roir-usa.com/8279.htm Return to top | previous | next JOLLY: You. Again. You. Again. You. (Pause.) Again. You. Secret agent. Spying on my "self." That's like lyrics from a typical Suicide song. Martin Rev is like the guy who shows up - "materializes" in Billy Lee Riley's words - at the local K-Mart in Queens and sez: "Behold!" And he stretches his arm around and shows yah the organs and synths. And you say "Wow - so what?" And he sez: "Behold!" And now you see each organ and each synth. Charlton Heston shows up. John Tesh: "I am the Christ! Behold!" Boo, it's the same shit. "Motherfucker, shut the fuck up, I am God! BEHOLD!" "Bro', it's the same - "Whaddya mean? BEHOLD!" "Behold what?" "ALL!" "Bro', I'll be back. You have ego problems." "But I'm God, man! C'mon!" Martin Rev is better than you tho', true?" "True." We out. HOLMSTROM: Suicide was the first punk rock band. There's a poster in the book Phucked Up and Photocopied from 1974 where they refer to themselves as punk rock. They were also a huge influence on The Ramones. They were the most shocking, talented, weird, creative, confrontational and unique rock band of the 1970s and maybe of all time. I was interviewed for a documentary recently (Paul Dougherty's upcoming doc on Television and how they are the first punk band in RNR history - a must-see), and he asked me a great question. I forget what it was exactly. Something about what I thought about other documentaries about NYC punk rock and what they got wrong. And I said that the problem was that all these documentaries focused on the shitty NY bands - the bands that had nothing to do with real punk rock. To wit: The Ramones, The Dictators, Suicide, (early) Television. Since all of these bands were around years before the London thing ever got started, yes, punk rock started in New York City, make no mistake. This is actually not Suicide, it's Martin's first solo CD. But it sounds a lot like Suicide. It's like Suicide without the screaming. And Martin Rev should be as famous as Chuck Berry, Joey Ramone, Johnny Rotten or anyone else in RNR history. Someday, Suicide has to be recognized! Most important, this is the most interesting music I've heard in a very long time. Three good CDs in a row! THE GENERAL: Suicide was one of the greatest punk rock bands. This guy once spit on me at CBGBs! Cool. I like this CD a lot, they haven't lost a step. This record is gooood! Insane asylum music! Return to top |  previous |  next

Stayin' at Mike's King Bee Records www.geocities.com/kingbeerecords Return to top | previous | next JOLLY: Sometimes when you wait long enough... your dreams just come true by themselves. He said it. I'm just reporting it. This record is comprised of a bunch of songs, some good, some not so good. I don't care, I got my Christmas present. I don't like music. It's too tricky. Volume means a lot. Like if you listen to a rock record with "loud" guitars at low volume it sounds cheap. Look at The Damned's first record: "Made to be played loud at low volume." What's that about? Some records you can play as loud as you want but they are still "low volume." Ask a hotel manager what kind of business is the best: "Volume. We do volume." Turn up the volume. Pump it up, even. Speakin' of which... HOLMSTROM: Uh-oh - a compilation. If we listen to the entire CD we might be here all night... And that would mean we won't have time to listen to everything else! We will try to give it a fair hearing. The first song is good: "Last Call" by One Inch Tall. Let's see... Some interesting song titles: "The Harder I Swallow" by The Thirteens, "Can't Cum" by The Volts (not a great song though), "Bleached Just Right" by The Departure (pretty good song). Frank just bought a case of this Belgian beer that's 7% alcohol so I think this party will end very soon! We'll be too drunk to review stuff. Already Brian and The General have given up. And Jolly looks kind of looped. We have to give up on this compilation CD, it's too demanding on lightweight music reviewers like us. But this CD does convince me even more that there are a lot of great punk rock bands out there. THE GENERAL: A bunch of noise that doesn't amount to anything. See, to me, punk rock is not only about bad music, it's about being drunk and obnoxious and pissing in your friend's refrigerator. Hey, this reminds me, I think Frank has a fridge! We're going to have more beer to drink! Return to top |  previous |  next

The Lot Six Animals Espo Records www.thelotsix.com Return to top | previous | next JOLLY: Yeah. This is good already. "Skrahs." Yep, I'm sayin'. So I was just tellin' John: Months ago I was on my way to buy cigs at the Bodega near my block. There was a police line protecting... get this: A taxicab with the hood up and a big pile of wood branches in a pile (like, witchcraft). I ducked under the police line (you're not supposed to), see the cop car (it's too late) barked loudly at (at!) the cop car parked there protecting this "scene:" Motherfucker, get BACK in your fuckin' car! Fuck you!" Ha! And you wouldn't think, right would you, that a typical citizen like I, right, would be able to mouth off at a cop like that right and get away with it? You wouldn't necessarily think so. But I did. Check it: So he runs (RUNS mothereffer - N - you don't wanna really see a NY cop RUN up to where you are no matter WHAT you're doin') up to me and (after, dig, slammin' the cop car door " like "Whaat? Nobody talks to a fuckin' New York City Police Officer like that?! Watch me bust this motherf - " But Ah wuz cool. WAH. 'Cos Ahhm tryin' to stay alive, bro'. And out of jail. So. He - slams his door - runs up to me calmly buyin' some cigs. "Ah oughta run you innnn," he says. "I wasn't talkin' to you," I say. I was talkin' to the guys BEHIND you!" "Yeah, well..." takes off. So whut. See I told you I am a bad ass. Bro', I shoulda BEEN busted! BEEN! Anyhow. Next record. HOLMSTROM: Hmmm... Weird music. I'm not sure if I like it or not. Very fancy packaging - a quadruple fold-out CD cover (but no booklet) with primitive cartoons all over it and the words are printed in a barely legible, 4-point font. So the music is... not bad, it's okay I guess. Dissonant. Offbeat. Angry. But a bit too safe for what it's trying to be. I think if people are gonna act crazy, they should be crazy - a little or a lot. Iggy really was crazed. Dee Dee was insane. So was Joey. And GG Alin (although he was short of talent also). And Alan Vega (Martin Rev's tag-team partner in Suicide). And Arthur Brown (The Crazy World of Arthur Brown). And also - truly crazy people rarely get fancy packaging deals for their CDs... THE GENERAL: Noise! Music to hit people over the head with baseball bats! Real rock 'n' roll! Let's kill hippies! And fuck their sisters! Return to top |  previous |  next

Small Girl Boils Water Self-produced Return to top | previous | next JOLLY: They doin' that "PRIMUS" stuff. Okay. "Nine Inch Nails." Bro'. "We out." Stephen Cerio draws the kind of cartoons that beckon you yonder to "more of whut you lookin' at but more complex." There's the problem. More? I don't wanna see MORE - I KNOW there's more detail POSSIBLE. But given the unattractiveness of the overall picture I'm gonna pass. It's like building Babylonish Metropolis's. For what? Why give "white people watching The Exorcist on acid" detail upon unbelievably intricate and endlessly labyrinthine detail? It's art to warp your mind, maybe more than you would prefer. Steve Cerio is a good guy, tho'. Each to his own brand of mind warpage. HOLMSTROM: Artist Steve Cerio is in this band. Frank Black gave me this CD. This is a really weird but interesting CD - part Captain Beefheart, part Sonic Youth, part whatever. It's not anything I'd listen to on a regular basis but they're good at what they do. They'd probably be a good live band. THE GENERAL: I am so drunk and wasted that I have no idea what's going on. Return to top |  previous |  next

Porcelain God Home Taping is Killing Music Slutfish Records www.slutfishrecords.comm Return to top | previous | next JOLLY: (Out of the room for this CD) HOLMSTROM: Wow, does this CD ever suck! It is horrible! But it's taking chances. It's different. It's like nothing I've heard since the 1970s. It's not good. It's not jukebox music. You can't dance to it. But at least these guys are trying to do something daring. This is punk in the way Nico, Eno, Yoko Ono and other weird stuff was sort of punk in 1974. They definitely have the original spirit of punk. But... If only they were somewhat competent. If only they really challenged me. Then I could call them "great" instead of "just plain weird." THE GENERAL: This sucks so bad it's unreal. Rich people who can put out rotten records eat monkey shit! (Which tastes like the beer I am drinking!) Return to top |  previous |  next

The Clash London Calling Coldfront Records www.angelfire.com/on/clash Return to top | previous JOLLY: Joe Strummer was dead. It was fucked up. I guess, ultimately, all must die. At least that's what is claimed by those "in the know." But I didn't like it - he was a tremendous cat and my favorite Clash! No good! So I consulted the Black Magic Gypsy Woman Queen who told me: "JOE - he bad medicine. This means TROUBLE - for all of us." "Trouble?" I asked. "What do you mean?" She told Me: "London's burning with BOREDOM now, there'll be guns on the ROOF, Washington Bullets, Stun guns in Knightsbridge - the works!" "What can the average citizen do?" I wondered aloud. "Danger Stranger - you better paint your face!" She shreiked, then fainted dead away. I ran from there but I will always take heart from brave old Joe's staunch British street knowledge. I only met the guy once but I'll always love him. Joe was a real rock 'n' roll poet not a wannabe like so many others. Peace to his soul if he's NOWHERE or if he's howling through the empty street. HOLMSTROM: Yeah, Joe Strummer died. Depressing. So here we are, listening to most people's favorite Clash record. (Me, I like the first one better, maybe the second one best of all.) They were a great live band, and Joe was a great guy. The last great interview PUNK Magazine did was when Jolly and I interviewed the Clash for PUNK #17, and Joe was definitely the highlight of our experience. He was a true punk rocker. He will be missed. THE GENERAL: Whatta band, whatta group. This is amazing! Return to top |  previous